It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt
Brene’ Brown, best-selling author, speaker, and research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work begins her book “Daring Greatly” with the above quote. She boldly suggests that “when we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.”
In “Daring Greatly,” Dr. Brown talks about how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead. Taking a risk and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is the key to breaking through the status quo. So, if having the courage to step out of our comfort zones and get in the game of life has great rewards, what is stopping us?
In a word, FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear of not being good enough, fear of making the wrong decision, etc. It is hard to move forward and step out of our comfort zones if we have debilitating fear holding us back. So, what can we do to overcome our fears, dare greatly, and live vibrantly?
The first tool I pull out of my toolbox is – Meet Fear with Protection. How can I best protect myself from being humiliated, failing miserably or making a huge mistake? As I prepare to jump into something outside my comfort zone, I have found these steps to be helpful:
- Learn – read, study, talk to experts
- Explore the down- side – What is the worst that could happen?
- Devise a Plan – How am I going to accomplish this?
- Take small steps – break the whole down into achievable objectives
- Find an accountability partner(s)
- Find Joy in the Journey
- Stay Positive – Focus on the end reward
My Story – Women’s Half Marathon
A few years ago, my besties, Charlotte, Wilma and Sharon invited me to join them in training for a Women’s Half Marathon. This was something totally outside my comfort zone! I was the matriarch of the group, and the least in shape. My claim to fame up to this point was taking a three mile walk around the neighborhood three times a week. However, my friends just happen to be very persuasive and talked me into taking a leap of faith in joining them on this adventure. They assured me I could do it! They had participated in the Disney Princess half-marathons in Orlando in years past and had survived., Apparently, participants in this race are encouraged to dress up in tutus, tiaras, and other fancy attire, channeling their favorite princesses. My friends shared some humorous stories about almost being picked up by the “shuttle of shame” that sweeps the streets and rescues stragglers unable to finish the race.
We had eight weeks to train before the big day. The pressure was on! Our plan was to meet every Saturday morning, have a cup of coffee together and walk a prescribed number of miles. Each week we increased our distance and picked up our pace. During the week, we could do additional walking on our own to build up our strength and stamina. Charlotte was the gatekeeper of our training schedule, mapping out different neighborhoods for us to explore each week. We had great conversation on our Saturday morning walks and celebrated our progress. We were feeling stoked as the weekend approached for the race! Wilma emphasized the importance of investing in good socks for race day. I learned that good socks were thick, reinforced at the heel and toe, and cost $20.00 a pair!
On the morning of the race, before daylight, Logan Mabe, Charlotte’s husband, drove us ladies to the downtown waterfront in St. Petersburg, FL to line up for the race. His famous last words to us as we exited the car were “No One Left Behind!” That was music to my ears. I had butterflies in my stomach. I began to second guess myself. The song “What Kind of Fool Am I” was on the load speaker in my head. But alas, we hear the blast of the air horn and the race begins!
The first few miles we were giddy and enthusiastic, caught up in the energy of the crowd. The experienced runners broke free from us walkers right away, so we were left among our own kind. Folks were lined up along the sidewalks, cheering us on. Tables with water and refreshments were strategically placed on the trail with encouraging volunteers wishing us well. Sharon often checked in with me to see how I was doing.
As we were entering the final leg of the race, that included walking/running a circle around the inside of Tropicana field, I thought I wasn’t going to make it. I was overheated and feeling a bit nauseous. I was praying for the “shuttle of shame” to rescue me before someone had to call in the paramedics. As I was dragging my wagon, trying to put one foot in front of the other, I hear a shout of “Go Yvonne!” from the left side of the road. I turned to see who it was, and wondered how they knew my name? I was too delirious to recall that my name YVONNE was printed in big bold capital letters on my race bib. That shout of encouragement from a complete stranger on the side of the road was just what I needed to grab my second wind, pick up the pace and finish the race!
I can’t begin to tell you how thrilling, exhilarating and unbelievably uplifting it was to cross the finish line and have a medal draped around my neck. My besties were waiting on the other side of the line with big smiles on their faces, and happy, congratulatory hugs. Wow! What a sense of accomplishment!
Speaking of pain, my feet were on fire. As we walked to the Hanger restaurant at Albert Whitted Airport nearby, I was ready for a strong drink and a bucket of ice water. When the waitress came, I ordered just that. Believe it or not, the waitress honored my request and brought a mop bucket filled with ice and cold water. Unashamed, off came my shoes and socks and I plunged my feet straight into that bucket. We all had a good laugh, and my poor feet got some relief!
SHARON, CHARLOTTE, YVONNE and WILMA
We did it!
In preparing for this half-marathon, I used all seven steps mentioned earlier to be able to fully engage in the process. As I thought about my concerns, they centered around the fear of not being able to finish what I started. Would I look weak and incapable among my friends? I had to challenge these beliefs and provide myself a safety net. First of all, I knew these women. They would be proud of me for trying. As we approached the day of the race, if I told them I didn’t feel ready, they would understand. They would have supported my decision and invited me to join them for lunch after the race. Plus, the exercise and camaraderie leading up to the race would have been more than worth it. Having quieted my inside critic, I was ready to commit.
Some Final Thoughts
As you consider stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new, remember:
- There are no failures, only lessons
- Real growth begins at the end of your comfort zone
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Lao Tzu
- You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky
Friends, I hope today’s Monday-Musings has brought you some encouragement and inspiration to broaden your horizons, take some risks, and experience more joy in your life.
Can you think of a time that you pushed through your fear and stepped outside your comfort zone? How did it go? How did you feel? Have you found that each time you are successful you become more confident?
I would love to hear your thoughts. Let’s connect.
Warm regards,
Yvonne